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I am irritating myself way too much these days. I need me to go off and leave myself alone for a while.
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If I thought I could get Leif to go to sleep now, take a nap myself, and then take him to the playground at like midnight (when it's only 85 or so out), I would.

If anyone local felt up to it, I'd do it regardless of nap, though I may try just getting us up at 6AM instead.

So hot and yucky. I'm guessing he really needs to get some energy out, though. Our bathing suits aren't here, so I can't go throw him in the pool. Ugh. He is so frantic being cooped up inside, but I don't know what else to do with him besides the library, Borders, or a pool. And getting to any of those is still painful.
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Windy windy windy today! (Well, it was a few hours ago when I wrote that)

Perhaps that will help offset the fact that the high is supposed to be 97. (Except it won't, because the wind stopped)

I'm suffering from "I want coffee but I've had too much lately" disease.

I want to walk to the library, but it is already 90 out, and walking tends to both be hotter and take longer than biking.

Need to do something about ansible one of these days. Been putting that off because I hate the idea of complaining about something that was being provided for free, but at the very least I need to do something about email forwarding/bouncing so that people stop sending email thinking it's getting to me when it isn't.

Mmm... so want to be snarky, but I'll resist.
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These mood swings are getting really old. It just doesn't help knowing that tomorrow I'll probably be excessively happy again for at least part of the day.

I'll admit that it does help knowing that Leif hasn't had a nap today, so he'll probably pass out early tonight.

He's playing a Blue's Clue's game right now. He sat down at a computer at the library today and suddenly grokked the mouse. It was slightly freaky.

Now [livejournal.com profile] koyote is home, which is somewhat more happy-making.

Up down up down up down making me dizzy.
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I feel like posting cryptic angsty posts. But I hate it when I do that.

So I'm going to post meta-cryptic-angsty posts instead.
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Do you ever wonder if the people you think about ever think about you?

Do you ever wonder if there is someone thinking about you that you rarely or never think about?
ocelot: (broccoli)
Our thermostat is broken, at least for the heat side of things. Last time I tried with the AC, it worked properly, but the heater just stays on all the time, no matter how low we set it.

I don't like this. I worry that it's a fire hazard, and I don't like running up our landpeople's utility bill (our utilities are included in our rent). It's also not comfortable physically - not because it's too hot, but because it makes the air dry. We all sleep badly, and Leif and I sleep in too late because it's harder to wake up when you're dehydrated.

We might be able to get away with one of the small area heaters we had on the boat, especially for nighttime. I can't imagine it would use more electricity, and the thermostat would work so we wouldn't have to run it constantly.

Saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire today. It was good, but I was MST3King it the whole way through. Perhaps I'm just getting too old. Want to see RENT now. [livejournal.com profile] koyote said many times that he had no interest in going, but then said the other day that he didn't want me to tell him anything about it because, if I did, he probably would be interested, and it's more likely that I'll get to go on my own than that we'll be able to go together. But I don't want to go alone *pout*.

Anyone local want to go see it (and if you're reading this entry, yes, this means you), probably next Friday night or Saturday?

I feel like begging for attention. Comment here (about whatever you want, not necessarily the entry content).
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Leif got into the prickly pears today. He fell asleep shortly afterwards, but wakes up every so often, crying and holding his hands out. Poor kid. His whole hand is covered in little hair-like thorns. [livejournal.com profile] koyote is trying to tweeze out the pricklies when he's asleep.

They installed a new speaker thing at the pedestrian crossing near us. when it's quiet at night, we can hear it babbling on in a robotized voice. I hope it's actually helpful for the people who need it.

I tend to feel inadequate when other moms talk about what they're baking/knitting/sewing currently. Today I reminded myself that I'm just as capable of doing these things (well, except knitting, which I've never really tried) - I just don't particularly enjoy doing them on more than an occasional basis. I made a pumpkin into puree, roasted the seeds, and baked bread. Yay.

I like to imagine that there's enough pumpkin for all three pumpkin projects I want to try, but I think it's actually the equivalent of about two cans, maybe a bit more.
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If I were a different person, I'd totally be starting some friends list drama right now, but as I tend to not really enjoy drama, all I'll say is that I don't like not being considered a separate entity from my husband, if that is indeed what happened.

Or maybe I'm just boring. Whatever.

***

A handful of pomegranate seeds turns our everyday ordinary salad into something I wouldn't feel cheated paying $30 for.

I'm feeling more sensitive to food flavors lately, like the past week or so. In a good way, though. I'm not sure why this is. I'm just having unusually strong positive reactions to some things.

No, I'm not pregnant, unlike everyone else on my friends list.
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My aunt Barbara died five years ago. She was a relatively prominent archaeologist (in New England, anyways), focusing on the Native American tribes in New England.

I'm reading Island in the Sea of Time by S.M. Stirling, and when the Native Americans came on the scene, I had to put the book down for a while. I'd known the basic premise of the book (the island of Nantucket gets transported back in time 3000 years), but hadn't made the connection before.

I wonder if she read it - it came out in 1998, so it's quite possible. I wish she were around so I could ask her what she thought of it. If the Native Americans are historically accurate, it's almost certainly based on her research, though neither her nor her department at UMass is mentioned in the acknowledgments.
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For some reason I made myself a MySpace account today. I was bored, and it seemed like a source of free entertainment. I'm not quite sure what the point is, though. I have this urge to reconnect with people from high school, even though there's only a handful I actually want to be in touch with. That doesn't really make any sense, does it?

I just deleted a ton of spam (In fact, if a ton of spam is 2000 spams, I deleted 4 tons). I'm pondering just killing off my old email address. It gets hundreds of spams a day. I'm feeling too lazy right now to switch emails on legitimate accounts.

I'm feeling down on myself lately. Boring and useless and all that. Even after deleting 8000 spam emails.

Leif made up the phrase "Juice Pop" for popsicle today. We've never called them that.

Thanks to my dear brother, we are finally getting around to watching Firefly. Yay. Hard finding a time when Leif is asleep and we're both home and willing to watch TV, though. I've been cheating - we watched the pilot together, but I watched 2 and 3 (2-4? Can't remember) on my own.
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I just wrote a post about the internal angst-filter I've developed over the past few years, but it was stupid, so my internal angst filter deleted it. Whoo!
ocelot: (Default)
This morning Leif decided to take a nap at 9:30AM. This is quite unusual for him, but turned out to be a good thing later.

Today I ran over a bull snake on my bike. I think the trailer went over it, too. I surprised myself by immediately starting to sob, but it seemed to be ok - it slithered away into the brush as soon as it got over the shock.

We went to a BBQ this evening. It was great fun. Leif surprised us by falling asleep on the way there (probably due to his way-early morning nap), and surprised us even more by staying passed out for a good hour and a half or more. I actually had time to socialize. Wow. This is very not normal!

When he woke up and discovered that he was at the playground with lots of yummy food and nice people, he was quite happy.

He played with a little boy who turned two a few days ago and was talking up a storm. He not only said he was going up the ladder - he said (correctly) that he was going up the right side of the ladder.

As I've said, I'm not particularly worried about Leif, but it is tough seeing other kids Leif's age or younger letting everyone know exactly what is going on inside their heads. I expect they also tend to get interacted with on a higher level, as it is obvious how much they understand. I'm guilty of this myself. I know he understands a lot, but the more verbal 2 year olds seem to be understanding more than I've attributed to him. I don't know whether there is any truth to this or not.

It also makes me wonder if I'm not doing enough to mentally stimulate him. I know, kids develop at different rates and all. But I'm the mom - worrying is my job.

Leif threw a little one year old girl today. He wasn't trying to be mean - a big kid (10-12) was carrying him around yesterday, and he had a blast. From the way it happened, I expect he was just trying to do the same for her, but didn't quite have the strength to actually hold on. Still, it was incredibly embarrasing. He THREW her, geez! I guess we'll be keeping a very very close eye on him near smaller kids for a while.

I love our washing machine. It makes me happy.
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It suddenly turned very windy, in that eerie pre-storm way.

Perhaps tornadoes are about to destroy Davis.

UPS claims, both on their website and via phone, that a package whose last known destination (as of the 19th) is Hodkins, IL is going to be delivered today. They have under two hours left. I'm not holding my breath.

UPS needs a Snow Crash delivery policy.

I haven't heard back yet about either of the jobs I interviewed for. This has left me kind of depressed, though I know that they have to schedule the next interview with someone who is currently out of town. I asked one of the people in the department whether I'd been rejected or not, and was told they were still doing first interviews (it's a university, so they have to go through all the interviews regardless of whether they already have someone in mind or not), so I feel a little better about that, especially since I feel that interview went pretty well overall.

The other interview I'm not so sure about. The interviewers weren't as friendly (which I think was just a personality thing), and while I gave at least some decent answers, I had a bit of a Alyson Hannigan-esque "This one time, in Software Licensing..." thing going. At least I managed to resist making inappropriate comments along those lines once I realized I was doing it, though it perhaps would have improved my standings with one of the interviewers, who is fairly notorious.

I should probably clean up the mess from the cookies I gave Leif to distract him from the fact that his da went out without him. What a good parent I am.

On the other hand, he is currently sticking cookies between his toes and waving his feet in the air, which is unbelievably weird and adorable.
ocelot: (buffy)
I know it's a common phase, probably relating to separation anxiety and learning to control his world and express his wants, but it still makes me wonder what in the world I did that was so terrible when I end up with a thrashing, screaming mass of baby who only wants daddy.

Perhaps it won't rain much today, and we can get out of the apartment.

Leif has a new favorite toy. It is a one-ounce glass jar that formerly held caviar. We never intended for it to be a baby toy, but he found it sitting on the counter during his bath about a week ago, and he's been entranced with it ever since.

I think we're both going a little stir-crazy. He keeps wiggling down from my lap and then crying to get back up. Right now he seems to be satisfied with sitting on top of my feet.

Baby nails are a pain. Literally. Even if I cut them every few days (which he hates, but tolerates if we're watching a movie), he still scratches me up. Little kitty claws.

Since it isn't actually raining right now, I think we're going to go out and get bagels. Perhaps I'll be really ambitious and get down to ghetto k-mart and get some dye to tie-dye some of Leif's boring white stuff.

Such excitement!

I will avoid writing snarky comments about certain people. In the end it will all be for the better anyways, so I should just let it go instead of dwelling on the angst.

Besides, it's hard to feel all angsty when you have an adorable baby babbling at the cat and laughing hysterically.
ocelot: (buffy)
I'm feeling emotional today.

Happy tears
Sad tears
ocelot: (buffy)
I had another doctor's appointment today. The baby could come at any time now. In medical terms, I'm 50% effaced, 1 cm dilated, and the baby is at the -2 station. What this means - nothing really. I could go tomorrow, or it could be another month, but likely sooner rather than later. As [livejournal.com profile] koyote has been saying, in gun terms, the gun is loaded and the safety is off. We're just waiting for them to pull the trigger.

I've also got possible symptoms of pre-eclampsia, which is a little worrisome, since it's potentially life threatening for both of us. She doesn't seem overly concerned about it, though.

My dad leaves for Europe tomorrow, and my mom for Hawaii on Wednesday.

I'm having a little bit of difficulty with this. Both these trips have been scheduled since before I got pregnant, and will be over before my official due date. And I know that my mom, at least, would skip it and show up here if I asked her to. And really, I'm glad I don't have to deal with the both of them out here at once.

But I still can't help feeling a little hurt. It's their first grandkid, after all. I kind of feel like we don't really matter.

Ok, I'll soon begin to rival Harry Potter in terms of angsty moodiness, so I'm going to sleep. Hopefully the lawnmowers will not wake me up at 8:00AM.
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I just finished the take-home final for my English class. It mainly consisted of an essay. I have issues with essays. I think this one turned out pretty good, though.

Generally, once I've got a good start, it isn't that bad. Getting started is always difficult, though, as I've written on many previous occasions.

Now, hopefully she'll be nice enough to pass me despite the other essay I haven't written. I can't even remember what exactly it was supposed to be about.

I have another final tomorrow (actually, later today) in the online class. Need to finish two small assignments before then, but I'm not too concerned about that. I can probably do both within about half an hour. I'm actually more worried about how to get them printed, seeing as the computer I used to print from at work is now in use by someone. I got an extension on the big project, since this whole moving thing proved to be more overwhelming than I expected. I hate that. I had really hoped I could make it through this class without screwing up anything. I've had very few classes where I haven't had to beg for an extension on something or other, and it really kills any feeling of accomplishment that I get out of the class, even if my end grade is good.

I think it was necessary, though. Having the pressure of the big project due today, as well as the two finals and the other small projects, probably would have kept me from napping this afternoon (which I desperately needed) and overwhelmed me to the point of not being able to get any of it done. At least, with the extension, I can focus on the smaller hurdles first and finish something, even if the project itself never gets done (not that there's any reason I shouldn't be able to finish it, once everything else is done and I have a few minutes to myself).

I just realized I forgot to finish my participation in the discussion boards for this week. Oh well, it is only five points, and I'm five points away from the maximum as it is. I find it hard to care about my grade at this point. As long as I pass, it doesn't matter. And I should. With no further work at all, I have a 61%. If I get a 50 on the final (which is at least 15 points lower than I've gotten on the other two tests) and finish the two small assignments, I'll have a 78% even without the final project. So there's no reason I can't get an A or B with minimal further effort.

As for moving, everything except what I need/want for the next month or so is packed up and on its way to VA. The apartment looks empty. And dirty. The thought of cleaning it terrifies me, given how I felt after sorting stuff on Monday (basically, like I'd been run over by a truck). I think I will have to hire a friend of mine who does housecleaning. Except her vacuum is broken, and mine is rapidly heading eastward. Oh well, we'll work it out.

It's all so strange. One week from now, I'll have technically graduated (still need to send in the paperwork), I'll no longer have a job, and I'll be living in a different state. Two more months, and I'll have a baby. Too much change, in too short a time.

And Buffy is over. As silly and inconsequential as it seems, it ties in with this feeling of incomprehensible change.

I'm curious as to how long it will take before it all starts feeling real. At the moment I'm rather dissociated from it - it's all just an academic exercise in major life change, not something I'm actually experiencing.

And now I must sleep so I can at least pretend to function at work/class tomorrow.
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Gwendolyn rattie died.

I think I need to give the baby up for adoption.

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