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Dear body,

I am well aware it has been one week since I went into labor. You really do not need to commemorate the occasion with half hour long freaking painful afterbirth contractions.

Love,

Jessica
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Something might be happening. Or it might not. Who knows.
TMI below )
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I am happy about my hair today.

I haven't used shampoo since April 2005. For a while I washed with baking soda/apple cider vinegar, but found that my hair got too tangled with that. So in November 2005 I switched to washing with conditioner, using the bs/acv occasionally to help remove buildup (which I've done just two or three times since this last April, and probably will again with a bit more frequency after we move). I also haven't been using plastic combs/brushes since April 2005.

I've had some lingering doubts about this. My hair felt fine to me, and [livejournal.com profile] koyote said it was fine, but I don't entirely trust his judgement as he's more crazy hippy than I am. I'll admit - a large source of the doubt was that I stopped getting compliments on my hair after we moved away from LA (which happened to coincide with the start of the experiment). I suspect this is more because LA is full of creepy freaks than anything to do with my hair, but I'd still become accustomed to it, and it was a little disconcerting.

Last night I was hanging out with a bunch of people I didn't know (and some who I did). One was trimming hair, and she offered to trim mine. I took her up on it, as it hadn't been trimmed since last Thanksgiving. She declared it perfect, and took off about 1/4".

Yay validation!

I think it would probably be best (and cheaper) if I cut down to conditioning once every 2-3 days. Every day seems like overkill. Or maybe I should just do more research and find something that works that doesn't involve store-bought conditioner.

I'm not sure what the best option is for Leif. Between his dislike of anyone messing with his hair and his picky seeming scalp, it just doesn't seem to be working wonderfully. His hair is well behaved for a few days after a hairwashing, and then it starts getting terribly tangled. But I hate putting him through the torment of either combing out the tangles or conditioning more frequently. And [livejournal.com profile] koyote doesn't want his (Leif's, or his own for that matter, but that's a different story) hair to be cut. So... I don't know. Try the olive oil one more time for his scalp, and look into a better spray-on detangler? Or perhaps leave-in conditioner would work well for him. (Hmm... diluted conditioner in a spray bottle apparently works well as a spray detangler. Should find a spray bottle and try that.)

And no, [livejournal.com profile] koyote, dreads are not an option at this point.
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I found one of those "Rub my belly for good luck" Buddha shirts at the thrift store this afternoon.

Unfortuntaly, there are too few people in this world that I actually want rubbing my belly.
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I really like the blackberry. Part of it is just finally having a phone with a working address book. Our old phones (Nokia 9290s, I think) which we got in late 2004 were these big old 80's style bricks, which was ok, since they had good PDA functionality. Except that the OS wasn't that great to begin with, and the PDA functionality broke on my phone within a few months of purchase (the joys of having a toddler...). And everything except for basic phone functionality, including the phone book, was part of the PDA.

I was a little hesitant about getting another PDA phone, but the blackberries are known to be pretty sturdy and don't have moving parts, so hopefully it will hold up for a while, especially if I get a decent case really soon.

I'm happy. It does enough of what my Palm does (ebook reading! Yay!) that I can stop carrying it around. One less thing taking up space in my bag, one less thing to potentially be lost or stolen.

OMG. Someone on my flist just mentioned having a smoothie with lavendar/vanilla ice cream in it. I WANT DESPERATELY! And I have no clue how to go about doing so. I suppose there's something lavendar flavored at the co-op which could be used.

I finally finished Quicksilver last night, only three years after I started it! It's the ideal ebook - you can read it without having to carry around a huge tome for months.

I am getting very irritated with my clothing situation. Most of my shirts that used to look ok don't fit over my belly anymore, so I'm down to one t-shirt that isn't a tent, a few that are tents, and some similarly tent-like men's button down shirts. Must really try to make clothes shopping a priority soon.

[livejournal.com profile] koyote says I should just let my belly stick out. Yeah right. I don't care if *he* likes seeing my skin - the rest of the world does not need to.
ocelot: (Default)
The other day, I received an anonymous comment very eloquently stating:

no one wants to see your tit, period.
even if you are feeding your child with it.


Now, experience leads me to believe that such a broad statement may not be entirely accurate. So, in interest of scientific inquiry, I have created a poll.

[Poll #735958]

Notes
* Creating this poll in no way implies that I will show you my tit(s), either online or in person. However, if you are around me and a small child who I am breastfeeding, it's likely to happen. Consider yourself warned.
* If you don't want to see my tit(s), don't respond. I won't be offended. I probably don't have a particular interest in seeing your tit(s) either, though I wouldn't be the least bit offended if I did see it/them because you were breastfeeding.

To update on the controversy - LJ/SixApart ruled that breastfeeding default icons are ok, as long as they do not show any nipple or areola. The cynical part of me sees this as a CYA move to avoid having to deal with all the non-breastfeeding icons out there that show the slightest hint of boob.

As of this morning, they are actively seeking out and warning/suspending users with default icons that show the slightest bit of areola, including paid users who have done nothing but contribute positively to the community (I don't know whether "they" is LJ Abuse, or independent users who are reporting the icons).

Frankly, in the beginning I was a little amused by the drama. As things continue, I'm getting more and more disgusted with LJ/SixApart's handling of the situation.

ETA: If LJ/SixApart's policy and/or actions bother you, please write to them and let them know! It would be great to get more complaints from people who can't just be blown off as Crazy Hormonal Militant Breastfeeding Wackos.

ETA2: I'm not in the least bit offended by the anonymous commenter or looking for validation or anything like that. I'm just amused. As far as I know, I know 2 people who live in FL (where the comment originated). One would presumably have stated their opinion much more eloquently (and I can't imagine it would match the opinion of the commenter), the other has every right to be a jerk to me, as I spent a lot of time being a jerk to him out of my own insecurities. But I seriously doubt it's anyone I actually know, and therefore their opinion is simply amusing.
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I was running late getting Leif's to his watcher's house before aikido today, and was sure class was going to have already started by the time I got there, but everyone else was running late too. Yay!

Something worked right. Usually when I do rolls, it hurts a little. Today it didn't. I don't know if I was doing something different, or if Thanksgiving and Leif's unfortunate choice of potty spot gave me the break I needed in order to heal.

During on move, the senior student was having trouble getting me to go the correct way, and asked if I was double jointed. It turns out I am in that particular respect. I was amused that it was that obvious.

One time in 9th grade biology class, we were talking about freaky body tricks. One involved bending your thumb backwards towards your wrist. I was sitting next to a friend. We both tried it, and were showing eachother how it was no big deal, when we noticed the rest of the class staring at us.

I can't actually bend my thumb backwards to touch my wrist anymore, but it does go pretty far back.

The weather in Davis is finally damp, chilly and wintery. Well, chilly and wintery for Davis, anyways. I spend my time thinking that I'm a Southern California wimp who only likes temperatures between 65 and 80 degrees, and always forget that I actually really *like* this weather. I like wearing comfy long sleeved shirts. I like wearing lots of layers and being warm all over except for my face (and anything else that happens to be exposed). I like being able to wear my fuzzy wool socks.

I like mild weather, too, but overall I much prefer cold to hot. In fact, I prefer cold to can't-make-up-it's-mind-slightly-chilly.

I don't like that it's near impossible to dry laundry, however.
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Today I tried doing aikido without glasses. Occasionally I've removed them when doing certain movements that have the tendency to throw them off my head, but today I tried the whole class. I realized that they're a psychological crutch at best, and a hinderance at worst, since I tend to be more hesitant during rolls and so forth when wearing them. I can see just well enough to be able to see what the sensei is doing, and I don't generally pick much up from watching anyways, so there isn't really any benefit to wearing them. I think it also helps me focus a little better, since I'm not getting distracted by other people as much. And I'm not running the risk of breaking them.

It worked out ok. I still want contacts again, though.

My shoulder is feeling odd from where I mildly dislocated it a week ago. Not painful, just looser. [livejournal.com profile] koyote could even feel it when he was rubbing my shoulders. I'm not sure if this is good or bad.

I finally got called in to be a doula again on Thursday, which was a relief. After being called three times in three weeks, I hadn't been called at all for several weeks, and I was beginning to wonder if I'd screwed up. Looking at the logbook, there were only about 5 people called in during that time, so I expect it was nothing personal.

Leif has not had a nap today, so I'll be shocked if he isn't asleep by 9. Yay, non-kids movie time! Maybe more Firefly.
ocelot: (buffy)
The weather has suddenly turned warm here (we had one day of pleasant weather - it basically went from too cold to too hot immediately), meaning I'm wearing short sleeves full time again.

This leaves me wondering... what the heck was I thinking in high school (and middle school and college, for that matter)?

The majority of my shirts are size XL. They're tents on me. I'm currently wearing a medium, and it fits decently. At my lowest point in high school, I weighed 30 lbs less than I do now; at my highest I may have weighed as much as I weighed now, but probably 10 lbs less (with more muscle weight). Yet I still wore XL.

The oldest shirt in my closet is from 7th grade, so this went back at least that far.

Someone should have smacked me with a clue.

I know part of the problem was tactile issues. Loose stuff just felt more comfortable. I remember having one shirt that was a medium or large, and liking how it looked, but feeling strangled by the neckline. I don't suppose it was really any tighter at the neck than the shirt I'm currently wearing. I just had issues.

Most of it was body image, though.

Dear Middle/High School Self,

You may wear jeans and a t-shirt every day if you so desire. However, you are not allowed to wear shirts larger than size medium, or jeans larger than size 10. Really, you're not fat. Especially not in 10th/11th grade.

Having boobs is not a bad thing.

And if it feels uncomfortable, you'll get over it if you just give it a shot. Really. Or try a shirt with a lower neckline.

However, given the lack of attention you've paid to my notes on other subjects, I can only assume that this one will be ignored, too.

Love,
Your Future Self


I want some new shirts.
ocelot: (Default)
I'm ebaying my maternity clothing. I received this email about the auction:

Hi I really like your lot. but i would like to fit it too.

How big were you before you became preg. wt. and bust size

Thanks


Is it wrong of me to be a little creeped by this?

My guess is that it is someone foreign, who is not familiar with US sizing conventions. Still, I don't see how my weight and bust size can provide her with enough context to figure out if the clothing will fit.

I'm going to reply with an explanation of US sizing conventions, and leave out personal details.
ocelot: (Default)
I just did the big stupid computer user thing and didn't save the file I'd been working on all day. Why should I? My computer never crashes. This time it decided to go to sleep without warning when my power was low, and not wake back up again. Bah. Oh well, recreating shouldn't take nearly as much time as figuring out what I wanted to say originally.

I still feel like crying.
Weight discussion. Cut for those who are bothered by such things. )
Midnight. I should go to bed instead of trying to recreate all my lost work. I'm already up way past my bedtime.

It occasionally bugs me that I have to be more careful about sleep now than I did when I was working. Last year I just would have hyperfocused for a few hours, gotten it all done, and sleepwalked through the next day or called in sick.

Now I can't do either, but I'll probably lie awake for too long with the words I would like to be writing running through my head. Bah.
ocelot: (ninjaofhappiness)
I'm wearing my pre-pregnancy size jeans! They're perfectly comfortable! Yay!
ocelot: (Default)
During early pregnancy, I was a bit sad because I couldn't go on rollercoasters (not that I ever got the opportunity).

During late pregnancy, [livejournal.com profile] koyote took a corner too fast in the far, and I realized that there's no way anyone could get me on a rollercoaster, even if I was allowed.

We went to Six Flags today. It was an AOL sponsored trip, which was neat. If we hadn't bought all sorts of Marvin the Martian junk, it would have been an entirely free trip. We'd planned to take turns going on rides, but [livejournal.com profile] koyote's nose was acting up, and he didn't want to, so I ended up going on them all by myself.

I like the thrill rides well enough, but my favorite ride is the flying swings, which is really quite tame. Just chairs on chains, swinging around. I could ride it for hours (except that the chairs aren't terribly comfortable). Seriously, I love it. It's one of the few things that really encourages me to live in the moment and just experience.

Actually, the scarier coasters do that even better, since they don't leave any room for thinking about the experience. They tend to not be terribly relaxing, though.

We got a caricature done of the three of us, which we now need to get framed. The baby doesn't really look a thing like Leif, but oh well. Babies don't exactly have a lot of distinguishing features.

Leif is now officially huge. We were talking to a mother with a small baby, who she said was 3 months old. She was tiny. Leif looked like a giant beside her. It was a bit startling, since he doesn't look particularly big on his own.

Leif was an angel most of the time. He had fun just watching everything and occasionally sleeping. He cried for maybe five minutes out of the four hours or so that we were there. I was amazed.

Before Six Flags, we went to Burlington Coat Factory and did most of our cooler weather shopping. I got a wool jacket. It's big enough to zip over both me and Leif when he's in his sling, though it looks a bit silly that way, and somewhat too big if I'm not wearing him.

They apparently have a different definition of large than I do. I'm currently wearing a large shirt. It fits fine. Their large stuff is way tight, and the button-down shirts won't button across my New Improved Breastfeeding boobs. Unfortunately, I didn't bother trying things on in the store, so we now need to make a trip back.

Leif has new clothing, too. Now people will not give me nasty looks for taking him out without long pants. Baby khaki cargo pants for $5.00! Yay!

We have a hurricane heading this way. It should hit on Thursday. Weather.com calls it a "supercane". I have no idea what to expect from a "supercane" in this area, so we're making preparations.

We are trying cloth diapers for nighttime tonight. This is a new experiment. We now use cloth almost exclusively while at home during the day, and disposables at night and while out. Hopefully I can cut out the night disposables.

Memories

Aug. 25th, 2003 12:42 am
ocelot: (buffy)
Leif and I took a nap for an hour or so today. I swear he noticably grew during it.

I seem to have gotten my period back. Bah. I was really hoping I'd be one of those people who didn't get it back for months.

Yesterday we drove out to the middle of nowhere for a Mars-viewing party. It ended up being kind of a bust - we got started late, then had a diaper incident when we stopped at the store to get flashlights, then I mis-read the directions and got us a little lost. People were still there when we finally made it, but it was a bit chilly and starting to cloud over. Not an utter waste of time, though. I still had fun.

The unaccustomed chilliness and being out under the stars at night reminded me that it was almost exactly two years from the day [livejournal.com profile] koyote and I first met.

We were listening to the radio in the car on the way there, and a song came on that brought back very intense memories of one of the best times I had in high school.

It was from the talent show that took place during my freshman or sophmore year. Must have been freshman, because my sophmore year pretty much sucked entirely except for Spanish class, and now that I think about it, some of the people I'm remembering graduated my freshman year. Anyways, I was working one of the spotlights. Chris M., who I had a crush on, was on the other one. It was great fun - the only chance I ever had on the headphones. That had been one of my goals since I got started with drama in third grade (Actually my goal was to be stage manager, till I got to high school and realized that stage managers generally aged about 10 years from the stress and lack of sleep. Plus I got a job my Junior year, and didn't have time for it anymore). Chris always made fun of Izola, who sang "Memories" from Cats, which always got him yelled at by Brian (I realize that this whole story has become nonsensical to anyone who didn't attend high school with me. Oh well).

Anyways, this ties back to the present day because the Drama Club did a lip sync to "Polka Your Eyes Out", one of Weird Al's medley thingies. The song on the radio last night, "Enter Sandman", was part of the medley. This isn't a song I hear frequently, which is probably why it brought back the memory so strongly. I have a lot of songs that have memories associated with them, but if they're songs I like or songs that were popular at the time of the memory(which tends to be the case), I've listened to them often enough that the association with any one event tends to lessen.

Not so with this one. I heard it and I was there, as distinctly as if I'd literally been transported back in time.

Of course, next time I hear it, it will have another memory attached to it, so I doubt the effect will be as strong.

My earliest memory is meeting Laura G., who was my best friend until 1st grade or so. Her family had just moved into the house behind ours. I was out riding my tricycle around the block with my mom. She was riding her hot wheels in the driveway. I remember thinking hot wheels were much cooler than tricycles. I must have been three at the time, since she was a bit older than me, and I remember going to her fourth birthday party.

That's the earliest memory that I can actually place in time. I may have earlier memories, but since I don't know when they take place, I'm not certain. I do have vague impressions from around the time my brother was born (I was almost 3), but nothing distinct, and some of it may be "memories" from photographs I've seen.

What's your earliest memory?
ocelot: (Default)
I posted a whole bunch of pictures to Leif's website today. I discovered that photoshop has an option to automatically generate photo albums. Neat. So it's now an actual website, and not just a list of pictures.

I went to the doctor today. I'm all healthy. My blood pressure is way down (100/60), and I'm a bit below my pre-pregnancy weight. Yay.

Talk about weight loss and female body parts... )

I almost forgot to mention... [livejournal.com profile] koyote and I got married on Friday. Then we went and saw American Wedding. We thought it would be appropriate. It was Leif's first movie, too. He nursed pretty much the whole time, so he was quiet.

Friday morning, we went to the courthouse to get a marriage license. On our way out, a woman came up to us and said (pointing to Leif), "Is that Elijah?" We said no, of course. She said that he looked just like her son Elijah - he had the same outfit (I think every kid born this summer has this particular outfit), and the same stork bite on his eye.

This kind of freaked me out. [livejournal.com profile] koyote thinks that she was probably on drugs, and CPS took the baby away. I don't doubt that he's right. Poor kid.

So I've now eloped. This amuses me. My cousin, the only other married person on that side of the family, also eloped (and didn't tell anyone for six months). Perhaps we're starting a trend! There's also a child out of wedlock trend going. I find this interesting. It feels to me like our family has always pretended to be perfect (intentionally or not), while really being pretty dysfunctional. Tom, would you agree with this?

Or perhaps that's just normal.

I've been pondering what I'd do if I suddenly became rich. Not hugely "never have to worry about money again" rich, but considerably richer than I am now (which wouldn't really take much - we have no debt now, but we don't have much saved up beyond that, either. We're working on it).

I think that growing up not-rich in Coronado (one of the richest parts of San Diego (or anywhere, for that matter)) left me with a real distaste for richness. My friends and I generally had to work for things we wanted beyond the necessities - I started a pet sitting business in 5th grade in order to save money for the 8th grade class trip to the east coast, and had jobs pretty much continually from that point on.

Anyways, I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, except that the idea of being rich bugs me. Or perhaps more to the point, the idea of giving Leif everything he wants bugs me. Not that I don't want him to be happy, but consumerism doesn't necessarily lead to happiness. Not that being rich means I have to give him everything he wants, but it takes away the convenient "We can't afford it" excuse.

(I'm being hypocritical here. The idea of being able to buy whatever I want doesn't bother me. I don't think I'm really all that much better at objectively assessing what is "worth it" just because I'm an adult, yet I want to make that decision for other people).

I should now do laundry and go to bed, as the boy will want me awake at some time in the morning before I really feel like being awake.

I have a hard time expressing myself. Most of what I've said in this entry isn't what I really meant to say. Oh well. I've always had this problem where my brain thinks faster than I can get the words out (verbal, typed, or written, it doesn't matter). I'll have all these wonderful thoughts in my head, and when I try to write them, it just doesn't work. I've sometimes thought that if I could have a thought recorder, I could very easily be a professional writer. Except that everyone else is probably the same way, so if thought recorders existed, the standards would go up.

Besides, the idea of thought recorders and the Bush administration is just frightening.

Ok, off to bed.
ocelot: (bunny)
I can fit into a pair of jeans that didn't fit a week ago. Not pre-pregnancy size yet, but I guess I'm shrinking.

We have this June bug problem. They somehow manage to die all over our apartment. I don't even know how they get in, since we have the door closed unless someone is going in or out. It reminds me of the scene in Lost Boys by Orson Scott Card where they find all the dead June bugs in the window. Except they aren't in the window. And it isn't June. Can't they go away already?

I like the fireflies, though. I haven't seen fireflies since we visited Wisconsin when I was 4. When we walk down by the stream behind the apartment, it looks like something out of a fairy tale.

The window fell out of our car. We were just sitting at a stoplight, and it fell. Apparently this is a well known problem with Jettas. The really bad part is that no one can replace it before the 25th, so our car is wide open to thieves/rain/June bugs/etc. until then. No, this is not an invitation to come steal our carseat.

Soon all the visitors will be gone and I can start figuring out what "normal" means now.

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