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Feb. 17th, 2004 01:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ocelotI recently bought the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It wasn't my first choice of sleep books, but the local bookstores seem to always be sold out of The No-Cry Sleep Solution (and it's always checked out of the library), and I wanted to get something. I've seen it recommended along with No-Cry Sleep, so I went ahead and got it when we were at the bookstore this weekend.
Reading the amazon.com reviews (I haven't had a chance to read the whole thing yet), it seems the author advocates crying it out - leaving the baby to cry in their crib until they go to sleep, regardless of how long it takes. In fact, he's apparently pretty extreme in this camp.
I don't regret getting the book. The author is a sleep researcher, and I believe that his information about sleep cycles and infant sleep needs is probably sound. From what I've read, it jives with what I've observed with Leif. But he's a sleep researcher, not an expert on children's emotional needs, and getting children to sleep well is his top priority. He does provide suggestions that don't involve crying, and admits that they work, but seems to focus mostly on the quick and dirty solution of uncontrolled crying.
Anyways, the main reason I'm writing about this is because of the lack of logic I see. The reviews spout "Many babies cry through diaper changes, do we stop changing their diapers? Do we not give them vaccinations because they don't like shots? Do we let them play with dangerous things because they cry when we take them away?" like a mantra.
If babies cry during diaper changes, we get it over with as soon as possible and comfort the baby. If you have to give them vaccinations, you comfort them during and afterwards. If you take away a dangerous toy, you generally try to distract them with something more appropriate. In all these cases, you respond to the crying in some way, teaching them that bad stuff happens, but you're their for them and can appreciate the discomfort of their situation.
This is very different than leaving a young baby to cry, for hours if necessary, until they fall asleep, even if they cry to the point of throwing up, and not even cleaning them up until after they fall asleep for fear of reinforcing the crying! This teaches the child that their parent is *not* there for them.
Furthermore, it doesn't really differentiate between protest crying and desperation crying. Crying for five minutes before falling asleep may simply be the baby saying "Waah waah, I'm tired but I don't want fun time to end." That's a similar category to changing a diaper despite crying or taking something dangerous away from the baby. Crying for hours on end, to the point of throwing up, goes beyond that.
The most disturbing part is that this isn't something the reviewers are coming up with on their own - they're basically quoting directly from the book. The author is the one perpetuating this flawed logic.
I'll write a review along these lines at some point after I've read the entire book and can provide more comment on the content beyond that.
Reading the amazon.com reviews (I haven't had a chance to read the whole thing yet), it seems the author advocates crying it out - leaving the baby to cry in their crib until they go to sleep, regardless of how long it takes. In fact, he's apparently pretty extreme in this camp.
I don't regret getting the book. The author is a sleep researcher, and I believe that his information about sleep cycles and infant sleep needs is probably sound. From what I've read, it jives with what I've observed with Leif. But he's a sleep researcher, not an expert on children's emotional needs, and getting children to sleep well is his top priority. He does provide suggestions that don't involve crying, and admits that they work, but seems to focus mostly on the quick and dirty solution of uncontrolled crying.
Anyways, the main reason I'm writing about this is because of the lack of logic I see. The reviews spout "Many babies cry through diaper changes, do we stop changing their diapers? Do we not give them vaccinations because they don't like shots? Do we let them play with dangerous things because they cry when we take them away?" like a mantra.
If babies cry during diaper changes, we get it over with as soon as possible and comfort the baby. If you have to give them vaccinations, you comfort them during and afterwards. If you take away a dangerous toy, you generally try to distract them with something more appropriate. In all these cases, you respond to the crying in some way, teaching them that bad stuff happens, but you're their for them and can appreciate the discomfort of their situation.
This is very different than leaving a young baby to cry, for hours if necessary, until they fall asleep, even if they cry to the point of throwing up, and not even cleaning them up until after they fall asleep for fear of reinforcing the crying! This teaches the child that their parent is *not* there for them.
Furthermore, it doesn't really differentiate between protest crying and desperation crying. Crying for five minutes before falling asleep may simply be the baby saying "Waah waah, I'm tired but I don't want fun time to end." That's a similar category to changing a diaper despite crying or taking something dangerous away from the baby. Crying for hours on end, to the point of throwing up, goes beyond that.
The most disturbing part is that this isn't something the reviewers are coming up with on their own - they're basically quoting directly from the book. The author is the one perpetuating this flawed logic.
I'll write a review along these lines at some point after I've read the entire book and can provide more comment on the content beyond that.
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Date: 2004-02-18 03:22 am (UTC)I've read both Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and The No-Cry Sleep Solution and neither really did it for me...
Weissbluth is just this side of Ferber on the CIO method... personally, Kira is wayyyyy too strong-willed for it to work... she made herself throw-up crying in my ARMS one time trying to resist sleep...
Pantley is much better - but really, her "solution" isn't so much a solution as a "how to figure out what your child needs to learn how to sleep by logging every little habit..."
This month's Parenting Magazine (March 2004) has the first useful article I've ever read on Sleep Training without major trauma... it's based on the work of this woman: http://www.sleeplady.com/
who points out some of the same things you just did.
Kira, who has NEVER gone to sleep "by herself" at almost 13 months has just done so for both naps today, as well as 20 minutes ago at bedtime... We were doing everything already but the "final step" and I'm just sitting here stunned...
No CIO. No Fear. Just a bit of "How dare you leave me here?" on and off for 3 minutes... then sleep.
Okay... so hopefully this will help you too... at the very least, apparently, she will do phonecalls/emails with you to help (or so the article says.)
Hugs!! and good luck..