(no subject)

I am eating a Dole Fruit-n-Gel Bowl. They are interesting. They are interesting. Less sweet than Jello, which I assume has to do with the reduced sugar.

LemurBaby now has a journal (albeit with nothing in it at the moment). Appropriately, lemurbaby. Feel free to spread word of this journal far and wide if you feel the need, but please don't mention this journal in association with it (I want to be able to share it with my parents, etc. without worrying about them finding this journal).

I'll still post updates here, as well.

Speaking of updates, I threw up this morning. I know you all wanted to know that. This is actually a good thing - my nausea and food aversions have lessened over the past week or so which can be a sign of miscarriage.

I'm also generally exceptionally tired and grumpy, which means I tend to act like a complete bitch towards koyote (I don't know why he puts up with me).

Note to the curious: Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans are not the smartest thing to eat while suffering from morning sickness. Especially not the spinach flavor.

I'm 90% of the way through setting up a system to reinstall the file server with about three commands and two mouse clicks. This is good, except I'm afraid someone will use it as an excuse to reinstall rather than troubleshoot, and situations where a full reinstall are necessary are a lot less likely than situations that require troubleshooting. My boss likes it, though.

It is now pouring rain, and I must walk home. Luckily, I borrowed koyote's large umbrella. Unluckily, it's windy enough and raining hard enough that I doubt it will help much.

(no subject)

It's raining like crazy here. I love listening to the rain and wind during storms, but occasionally tonight I feel that the water must be up to the windowsills by now. Looking at weather.com, this feeling is understandable. Many areas around here have received 3-5 inches of rain in the past several hours. That's as much as San Diego gets during the average winter month. There are flood warnings all over the bay area.

It rains as hard as this in San Diego, but not as steadily. It'll go hard for twenty minutes, and then let up for a while. Here, it continues at the same pace for hours, or even days.

I'm feeling ok about LemurBaby tonight. I don't always. Most of the time I think I'll be the most terrible mother ever, and that this is going to completely ruin my life, and it would be better for both me and the baby if I had never been born. I convince myself that I can't stand children, which is nuts since as long as I can remember I've liked being around kids. Every time I go for a while without interacting with kids, I get wary of them and afraid I won't be able to stand them, but when I'm actually around them I'm fine.

This is probably a result of the hormones. I was a complete mess as a teenager in a very similar way, so it makes sense.

My mood may also be due to the fact that I know I don't have to drag myself out of bed at way-too-early tomorrow morning to spend nine hours at a job I don't like and another three in class. Got lots of papers I've got to catch up on this weekend, but at least they don't require getting out of bed at 7:00AM.

I got fed up with the book I was reading and got the irresistable urge to reread Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott. I picked it up this summer when I was, for some reason I can barely comprehend now, completely baby-crazy. I can't exactly say it gives me much hope, but at least it assures me that even crazy neurotic people can have maternal feelings.

I think that reading it has had an effect on both my writing style and my willingness to right, even though I've only been reading it for an hour or so. Odd.