(no subject)

[ocelot]

It's raining like crazy here. I love listening to the rain and wind during storms, but occasionally tonight I feel that the water must be up to the windowsills by now. Looking at weather.com, this feeling is understandable. Many areas around here have received 3-5 inches of rain in the past several hours. That's as much as San Diego gets during the average winter month. There are flood warnings all over the bay area.

It rains as hard as this in San Diego, but not as steadily. It'll go hard for twenty minutes, and then let up for a while. Here, it continues at the same pace for hours, or even days.

I'm feeling ok about LemurBaby tonight. I don't always. Most of the time I think I'll be the most terrible mother ever, and that this is going to completely ruin my life, and it would be better for both me and the baby if I had never been born. I convince myself that I can't stand children, which is nuts since as long as I can remember I've liked being around kids. Every time I go for a while without interacting with kids, I get wary of them and afraid I won't be able to stand them, but when I'm actually around them I'm fine.

This is probably a result of the hormones. I was a complete mess as a teenager in a very similar way, so it makes sense.

My mood may also be due to the fact that I know I don't have to drag myself out of bed at way-too-early tomorrow morning to spend nine hours at a job I don't like and another three in class. Got lots of papers I've got to catch up on this weekend, but at least they don't require getting out of bed at 7:00AM.

I got fed up with the book I was reading and got the irresistable urge to reread Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott. I picked it up this summer when I was, for some reason I can barely comprehend now, completely baby-crazy. I can't exactly say it gives me much hope, but at least it assures me that even crazy neurotic people can have maternal feelings.

I think that reading it has had an effect on both my writing style and my willingness to right, even though I've only been reading it for an hour or so. Odd.

Comments

[figgy-newton.livejournal.com]

You are going to be a fabulous mother, you know how I know? Because you're a fabulous person and a wonderful friend. You've got a lot of experience working with kids, which is really important. And I think what you went through in high school in invaluable for your success as a mom. You don't have any delusions about the glamour of motherhood. You know it is going to be really tough. But some would argue you've done the hardest part, you've found the right person to have your kid(s) with. I am so excited for you, Jess. You've crossed into a realm of adulthood. Just keep sending dispatches from the other side. :)

[theducks.livejournal.com]

Of all the people I know who've had kids, you're the one that makes me feel the happiest that there will be genetic offspring of :) And I'm sure you'll be fine with parenting. And uhh.. yeah, I remember you telling me about the hormonal issues :( That sucks a bit.

Where would be the best place to find you alive on IRC these days? Or have you given up? ;)

[figgy-newton.livejournal.com]

You know, I hadn't evevn thought of it that way, but you're right. Jess, you're helping to combat the overwhelming out-numbering of inteligencia by uneducated mouth breathers! You're my new hero! Lead on Ma Capitaine! (ha! No pun intended) We need more people like you to spread their genetic material. Good God woman, I hope you have triplets (ok, so I don't, because I love you, and no one should have to go through that)!

[theducks.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think more like conceptual triplets are a better idea ;)